Male guide to the female point system

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow(0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing(0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
You offer to do the wash (+10)
You use the right detergent (+10)
You put in her slacks and blouses (+10)
The slacks are white and the blouses are red (-500)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy(-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night(-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

A NIGHT OUT(II, Guy's scoring system)
You see an ex-boyfriend (0)
You start up a conversation with him (-5)
You introduce me as, "Oh, by the way, this is..." (-50)
He's better looking than me (-100)
He's more successful than me (-250)
He's smarter than me (-500)
You share a giggle over some inside joke (-1,000)
You smile radiantly and say, "We should keep in touch." (-10,001)
You say I'm a better lover than he was (0)
In front of him (+5,000)
And mean it (+5,000)
We see my ex-wife (0)
You ignore her (+100)
She won't ignore you (0)
You smile and then punch her in the head (+1,000)
And kick her while she's down (+5,000)
Then backhand her boyfriend (+100)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8,000)

ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20) [Yes, you lose points no matter what]

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10,000)

COMMUNICATION II (Guy's scoring system)
You say, "We need to talk." (0)
You talk (-10)
Incessantly (-20)
You ask the same questions over and over (-30)
And whine while doing it (-40)
You doubt my ability to watch TV and listen to you (-50)
You pout like a child (-60)
You give me the silent treatment (+10)
And don't sigh while doing it (+20)
Or slam anything (+30)
Even mad, you ask me to come to bed with you (+40)
And cuddle up next to me (+50)
And whisper you're "not tired" (+60)
And show me how "not tired" you are (+70)
Twice (+100)
Three times (+500)